Chapter Thirty Five

It was early December. She was reminded from social media that her former sister-in-law and current “sista”-friend would be moving to Costa Rica for several months. Not only because it would be helpful for her friend’s many, many health issues (and because Covid was much less prevalent down there), but also to grow her business and help build housing for communities in that area. She insisted on chatting with her sista-friend before she left. They were finally able to arrange a phone date and she was excited to catch up with her.

She knew that staying friends with her ex’s sister was risky for her continued growth, but this woman had been instrumental in keeping her afloat throughout her years with her ex, and the bond they had built was stronger than any shitty relationship. She also had no intention of asking about her ex, or her dog that she still missed with all her heart but had been trying to put to the back of her mind because she knew there was no point dwelling on it.

Even so, her sista-friend had her own venting to do about him. Keep in mind, he wasn’t just verbally and emotionally abusive as a boyfriend. It’s part of his personality and he is like that with many women in his life – including his sister. So, she listened as her sista-friend recounted a recent visit with him and one of their other sisters. (You’d think a man who grew up with three sisters and was raised by a single mom would have more respect for women…)

It was through that conversation in which she discovered that while she, herself, was doing well in her new life – losing weight, going to therapy, getting her finances in order, etc… – he was now balding and had gained a bunch of weight. That alone made her want to rejoice in all things petty. She would be lying if she said it didn’t give her some sick, twisted joy to know how much better she was doing than he was. But what really blew her away was finding out that he was back to eating meat.

After two years of non-stop shaming, berating, and belittling her for every non-vegan food choice she made, he was back to eating fucking meat. Meanwhile, she was still kicking ass with her Flexitarian lifestyle. Go figure. She really never thought she would still be the one not eating (much) meat, and that he’d be back to eating cows and pigs! What a hypocrite, she thought. But then again, she remembered that that’s how he is. He can inflict as much judgement and pressure on others as possible, but those same standards never apply to him. He is the exemption to his every rule. Classic narcissist.

Also, something sad yet unsurprising – during that visit to see his sisters, they were all sitting and chatting at the kitchen table. His youngest nephew, five years old, innocently came up to him and said, “uncle so and so, I miss auntie so and so”. Her ex turned to this child and said something to the extent of, “Wow, buddy. And you used to be my favourite. Go away now.” (or something like that – the exact words escaped her.) The point is, even as a joke, that’s not funny. This poor kid didn’t get sarcasm. He hurt his nephews feelings on purpose because his nephew hurt his feelings by accident. This is the type of person he is.

After touching on that for a while, she couldn’t help but ask where her dog was while he was there visiting. He had always made such a big deal about not going away anywhere because their dog hated car rides and was skittish around other dogs (his sisters both had 2 dogs of their own), so he never wanted to go away anywhere. She realized, even then though, that those were all just excuses not to let her visit her friends and family. Still, that’s why she was surprised to hear that he had gone to visit his sisters at all. She assumed he brought the dog and she was curious about her well being.

Her sista-friend then dropped the bomb that nope, he didn’t bring her dog with him. He left her at home with – drum roll please….. – his new girlfriend! A woman he had been with for five months already. That would mean he had been seeing someone since about June or July, which was less than six months after they had broken up.

On one hand, she was definitely surprised – but mainly because he trusted someone else to care for the dog. When they were together, no one was good enough to care for that dog except the two of them. He would completely lose his shit any time she had suggested bringing their dog to her parents’ house, or the possibility of leaving her with them and their own dog if they happened to go out. There was no way he was leaving their dog in someone else’s care – especially her parents, for some fucked up reason. Now he’s letting some woman he’s known for less than a year, that he met on the fucking internet, take care of HER dog. Her stomach tied in knots and she silently teared up as her sista-friend continued on the other end of the line.

What didn’t surprise her, though, was that he was already in another relationship. Even though they were together for seven years, and it would be a very long time before she would be getting back into a relationship because of all the baggage she was carrying from those tumultuous years together, she knew that he was the most co-dependent person she had ever met.

He needed someone to hold him up and make him feel like a big man, all while verbally and emotionally beating this person down in the process. If anything, she felt a little sorry for this new woman in his life. At the same time though, she was informed that this woman was older and rich – his Sugar Mama, he called her. So maybe this woman was using him, and not the other way around? She hoped, for the woman’s sake, that she would get what she needed from him (sex), and move on without baring the full weight of his verbal, mental and emotional abuse.

The phone conversation ended and she wished her sista-friend all the luck in the world for this next exciting chapter. Then, after hanging up, she sat and cried on her bed for a few minutes. She was so relieved to be out of that situation. To be out of that toxic family, really. Even though all of his sisters had always been great towards her, especially her sista-friend, her ex and his other sisters were still just some of the most negative, toxic people she’d ever met and she was so thankful to be out of that emotionally harmful environment.

She was also sad about her dog. No matter how much time passes, no matter how much she rationalizes the situation, no matter how many times she tells herself “It is what it is. You have to move on,” she will forever love and miss that dog. And having had to leave her will be a heavy weight on her shoulders for the rest of her life.

She wiped her tears and took a deep breath. Then, she texted her friends.

“So guess who’s fat and bald now!…”

Continue to Chapter Thirty Six