Throughout her entire relationship with the man/boy, she had always maintained an online presence on dating websites. She hadn’t met up with anyone of note, but mostly relished in the fact that these guys wouldn’t lose interest in her because they couldn’t see her in person and realize what a visual disappointment she was. Then, one gloomy day in mid-January, she was sitting in the beautiful one-bedroom apartment she had moved into a few months prior, and she came across the profile of a guy wearing a Montreal Canadiens jersey. In the background was a poster of Van Gogh’s Starry Night. Having been raised in a strictly Montreal Canadiens household, and being a huge art lover, this guy seemed worthy of sending a quick Hello. It’s a real mind-fuck to think about how differently her life might have turned out if she had just scrolled past him…
He replied pretty quickly. He was friendly and polite and complimentary and horny. He made it clear very quickly that he was a very sexual person and was interested in trying a variety of risqué things in the bedroom. Having limited sexual experience, she was at first taken aback by him being so forward about his sexual interests. At the same time, he was incredibly charming and made it seem like these crazy sexual experiences would be exciting and fun. He also made it known how sexy he thought she was and how much he wanted to meet her. They texted for a couple weeks and decided to meet up at a winter festival held in the city’s downtown core. It was Groundhog Day, she realized. Six more weeks of winter.
As she walked up the street towards the entrance of the park, she saw him standing there waiting for her. He was wearing his red and black lumberjack coat, black toque, and was sporting a faint five o’clock shadow. Shorter than she would have hoped but, oh well. He immediately complimented her on her bright blue pants. In the coming years he would tell her every now and then that it was the blue pants that sold him that day. They walked around admiring the ice sculptures and immediately fell into comfortable conversation. No awkward silences or moments of uncertainty. Everything was so natural right away. He bought her a hot chocolate. They walked down the long skating rink that circled the city if you made it the whole way around. She slipped on the ice twice because she is very classy. A proper lady, if you will. Fortunately, she had finished her hot chocolate before that. But he was charmed by her. Her innocence, her sense of humour, her eyes, her smile. The smile that he would later make her insecure about by constantly teasing her about the amount of gums that showed. When they came off the ice, they both agreed that they weren’t ready for the date to end and he invited her over to his place to watch hockey. The Montreal Canadiens were playing, of course. She naively agreed, genuinely thinking they were going to watch a hockey game.
When they arrived at his small, cluttered apartment, she could see directly into the bedroom and noticed immediately that he didn’t have a bed. “Odd”, she thought. He sensed her curiosity and explained that he used to live there with his crazy ex girlfriend. She took the bed when she left, along with their two precious cats who he loved so much and was still heartbroken about losing. “Poor guy”, she thought to herself. He was showing his vulnerability. She could comfort him and take care of him and fix all his problems. They settled in on his extremely worn, extremely used futon and started watching the Montreal Canadiens beat the Buffalo Sabres. They chatted casually throughout the first period. She felt comfortable and was enjoying herself. Then, the first period ended. He looked at her and without having to say anything, she knew what was about to happen next. He kissed her. A deep, slow, passionate kiss. Something she had never felt before. Her stomach fluttered with butterflies as he guided her backward, so she was laying down. He grabbed a condom and they started to have sex.
“How many people has he fucked on this futon?”, she thought to herself, but tried to push that question out of her mind. This was the first real casual sex experience she’d ever had. She was definitely not one to usually have sex on a first date. It didn’t hurt like it did with man/boy. It felt good. Really good. Better than anything she had experienced before. He was visibly enjoying himself as well. They finished just as the intermission ended and the second period started. Looking back, she wondered if he had planned it like that? As she stood up to get her pants back on, she smiled at him, and he smiled back saying, “This… this is really something…” Her heart exploded. The Habs beat the Sabres 6 – 1.
That evening she had plans with some girlfriends, and it took her literally 0.3 seconds to blurt everything out to them. They were happy for her. Anything would be better than that dirtbag she was with before, right? …
Right?!