His job took him out of town a few times a month, and he had to go to the States over Valentine’s Day weekend. She was disappointed but what could she expect of a two-week relationship? He asked her to pick him up at the airport when he returned. It was late and she didn’t really want to, but she did want to see him, so she agreed. When he got in the car, he whipped out a big heart shaped box filled with her favourite chocolates. “I wanted to get you something better, but this is all I could find on short notice during my trip,” he said as he handed it to her. She smiled from ear to ear and they kissed. Her heart was so full. The first few months of their relationship continued the same way. He was so attentive and kind and thoughtful and loving. She felt like she was living in a romantic comedy. He met her friends and they seemed to like him, despite him getting a bit too drunk on St. Patrick’s Day. He even came for Sunday dinners at her parents house every week. They loved him and they made it known to her. She felt like she had finally found her person.
Then, three months to the day of their first date, they had their first fight. Even now, years later, she can’t remember exactly what it was about, why they had fought so ferociously that night. She thinks it had something to do with her wanting to do something with her friends that he didn’t approve of. All she really remembered, though, was him screaming at her, and herself screaming back at him with every ounce of anger she had in her. She slammed the door behind her and ran down to get in her car and drive back to her apartment. She sat in the driver’s seat screaming and crying and hitting the steering wheel. She had never in her whole, entire life felt anger like she had felt that night. No one she had ever met had hurt her or made her as furious as he had done that night. Little did she know, that would certainly not be the last time she felt that way because of him. By the time she arrived back at her place, she had two texts and a voicemail from him. All apologies. She called him back and they resolved their fight. They were back to normal the next day. If only she had had the good sense to have ended it then.
After that, they began spending almost every second of every day together. She was canceling plans with her friends, coming up with excuses why she couldn’t see them – flat out lying, basically. Eventually June rolled around. For the previous six years, she and 2 of her friends who all had birthdays around the same time would always celebrate their birthdays together. She was turning 26 and she was excited to celebrate with them again. Her boyfriend, however, could not have made it more difficult. Despite knowing her plans, he had organized an elaborate getaway for her birthday and was angry that she wouldn’t reschedule her party, or even just not go and let her friends celebrate without her. She made it clear how important this was to her and that she was going with or without him. So, he came with her.
She and her friends had planned to celebrate at a Tex-Mex restaurant that turned into a bar upstairs at night. Things had gone fairly smoothly throughout the evening. Everyone was drinking and having a good time. A familiar song came on and all the girls rushed out to the dance floor. Halfway through the song, he came up to join her but one of her friends stopped him and said, “wait, no! Girls only for this song!” She had sent her own boyfriend away as well, but this would not stand.
He immediately felt slighted. How DARE anyone exclude him or tell him he couldn’t do something. He began to drink heavily and by the time the song was done, he was belligerently drunk. She went to find him and he just let her have it. He started yelling at her right there at the bar, in front of everyone. Then he stormed out. The smart thing would have been for her to just let him leave. Love makes people stupid, though, so she followed him. They fought on the sidewalk in front of the bar. She begged him to calm down. She couldn’t understand why he was so angry. “Please come back. I love you. Don’t do this,” she pleaded. She grabbed his arm and he ripped it out of her hand, backhanding her across the face. Later, when he sobered up, he maintained that he didn’t mean to do it. The jury is still out on that one. And yet, even after he hit her and stormed off, instead of going inside to find her friends, she followed his drunk ass around the nearby neighbourhood, which was located close to a shopping mall.
Somehow, he was able to climb up to the second level of the mall’s parking garage and threatened to end his life. She begged him to come down. So he did, by jumping off. He didn’t break anything, but he was in a lot of pain and he really, really hurt his back. Instead of calling an ambulance, she called a cab and took him home. She put him in her bed and cried herself to sleep on the couch. The next morning she messaged his sister and told her what had happened. They had been together for 5 months at this point and she just wanted some advice as to whether or not she should stay with him. His sister, to her credit, told her that her brother was not an angel. She told her that he grew up in a very traumatic environment and had many, many issues that he needed to address. She said it was up to her whether or not she wanted to stay or go, but that she would always be there for her if she needed to talk. And so began an unwavering friendship that has lasted throughout their whole relationship, and even afterwards. If there’s one good thing that came out of this, it was meeting his sister and the two of them becoming “sistas”, as they have so named themselves.
He woke up that afternoon and could barely move, and barely remembered anything. He apologized and begged her forgiveness. Though she was still angry and hurt and embarrassed, she forgave him again. Despite her better judgement, she let him put the blame on her, that if she had just let him dance with her, none of that would have happened. They went on the birthday trip that he had planned, part of which entailed finally meeting his friends. She ended up shamelessly flirting with his best friend, who shamelessly flirted back, and she felt zero guilt about doing it right in front of him. Though he was obviously not happy about that, he knew his friend was just teasing him, and he also knew that he had royally fucked up and that she was entitled to be angry and to lash out. He spent the next few weeks sucking up to her and eventually, he won her over again and it was as if nothing had happened.