Things started to get better. Little by little, day by day, she would see him trying. She would notice his efforts and made sure to tell him. Things actually started looking up. Now that she had made the choice to stay, it was time to really start looking for a job. Not even a week after that fight, she had an interview. By the end of that interview, she had a job. It was located further out of the city than she would have liked, and the buses only started at 9am which got her there closer to 10am. But the owner and supervisors loved her. They wanted her to work there so badly that they agreed to start her by working a 10am-6pm shift for the first month, and even offered to pay for half her cab fare home since the buses didn’t coincide well with her returning home at that time. The catch was that by the end of the first month, she would have to have a vehicle and be able to get herself to and from work for her actual shift which was a split, 7:45am-9am and 2:45pm-5:45pm. She came home from the interview with all the details and explained to her boyfriend the conditions of her job offer. He seemed thrilled for her and promised that by the end of the month, he would have bought them a car. This is something that they had been wanting to do since her car had died in the driveway over a year prior. She was starting to feel like this could actually all work out.
That first month at her new job flew by in a flash. Her bosses loved her, her co-workers loved her, her skills in her field were being valued and she was able to bestow her knowledge and experience on her colleagues. She felt good about herself for the first time since moving there. But as the end of the month approached, the anxiety of not having a car crept up further and further. Whenever she asked her boyfriend about it, she could see the anxiety and anger bubbling in his eyes, but he would try to remain calm when he expressed his concerns about it. He felt that he still didn’t have enough money to buy a suitable vehicle. She explained that he didn’t have to buy something outright. They could put down a significant down payment with whatever amount of money he did have, and then they could make small payments until it was paid off completely. That wasn’t good enough for him. He wanted a new vehicle, paid outright, no matter what.
One afternoon, she got a text from him saying that he had bought a car and that it would be ready the next day. He would be at work, though, so she would have to go pick it up between her shifts. She didn’t know how much the car cost; she didn’t even know he had looked at something. Once again, as he did with their dog, he made a significant purchase without her knowledge or input. Still, she was relieved to finally have a vehicle and was excited to start driving again. The next day she cabbed 35 minutes from her work out to the dealership and was less than impressed with the car she was presented with. It was a 2012 Chevy Cruze. On the whole, it was a nice car – except for the dent on the drivers’ side door, and on the rear bumper. She was also informed that the front windshield defrost didn’t work. Gee, she sure was glad he bought this shit box out right! Still, it would get her from point A to point B and she was grateful that he had finally put his money where his mouth was and bought them their new (used) vehicle.
She ensured that her name would also be on the ownership, despite her boyfriend paying for it. She knew that if she didn’t do that, if they did fight about something, he could easily refuse to let her use it. Even so, when it came time for her to leave for her friends’ wedding that September, he made it clear that she was not allowed to drive their car there. Instead, she was left to rent a car at full price – he didn’t even let her use some of the rental points he had racked up with his work truck. All the more reason for her to be excited to be away from him that weekend.
Despite the car issue, in the months leading up to the wedding, her boyfriend had showed some effort in the right direction. However, he had still been putting off finding a counselor. His reasoning was that it was too expensive, and he was waiting for her benefits to start at work so he could see someone at a more reasonable rate. “A logical excuse”, she rationalized. Instead, he worked on himself on his own. He read self help books, mindfulness books. He actively tried to be more patient with her, and in general. She saw the effort and she was grateful for it. She was happy for him that he was working so hard to become a more well rounded version of himself.
But it wasn’t enough. She knew in her heart that any romantic feelings she might have had for him once, were long gone. Too much had happened, she felt. Yet, even knowing her true feelings, she still kept trying. Even then, if asked, she would not have had a good enough reason (aside from the dog) for why she was staying with him. Her blind hope that this time would be different, is what kept her there. Of all the other times before that he said he would change, promised he’d do better, swore up and down that he was sorry for how he treated her – THIS was the time he would actually follow through. This had to be the time, otherwise what even was her life? If she wasn’t in this relationship, who was she? How far had she come in her life just to be in the exact same place that she was when she met him? She had nothing to show for her wasted youth, so this relationship was it. It had to work out. It just had to.