As she stood in line at the pot shop, she looked at the notification from her friend’s high school boyfriend; “So-and-so has sent you a voice message”. “Wtf?” she thought to herself.
She had her ear buds in so she played the message. The sound she heard could only be described as a long, high pitched fart out of a tight butt hole. Why the hell would he send her that?! She replied simply, “um, pardon me!?” And he responded quickly saying he was just teasing and didn’t mean to bother her. She explained what she had heard on the voice message and they realized the message had messed up, he hadn’t just sent her some random fart noise.
After that they ended up chatting throughout her entire commute home. She couldn’t believe how comfortable it was to talk to him. They hadn’t exactly been friends in their teen years. They each knew who the other was but didn’t hang out together. And he was completely different than she had pictured him in her head. Their conversation was flirty and funny and relaxed and only a teensy bit awkward when they would both address the fact that it was just so weird to be chatting with one another.
They messaged back and forth all evening, and he even messaged her the next morning when she arrived at work. They chatted the entire day as well, even after she had finished work and was loading her stuff in the car to head up to the cottage. When it was time to hit the road, they said their goodbyes. He told her to have fun and to message him when she got back.
Her cheeks hurt from smiling and her stomach fluttered with butterflies – which should have been the warning sign for her to realize that this would likely blow up in her face. Anytime she felt butterflies, she was in for a world of trouble. But also, why was she already so excited by this exchange? She still barely knew him, they had only chatted for a day – total.
Even still, she was giddy with excitement. The fact alone that he wanted her to message him after her weekend away, meant something to her. She could tell he was genuinely interested in her. Not a feeling she had often felt with the other guys she had chatted with on dating apps. She told him she would text him when she got back, and she headed out to the cottage.
Of course, it was yet another amazing cottage weekend. She and her friends partied and conversed and expanded their minds and continued to strengthen the bonds they had made with each other over those last few months. She was even lucky enough to have her Tarot cards read again. She chose ‘The Year Ahead’ spread, and caught a glimpse of the potential her life had in store for her over the next twelve months. It was the perfect way to end the perfect summer.
She got home on the Sunday and all she could think about was messaging him. (He needs a name. Let’s call him… Craig? There’s no rhyme or reason. It’s just Craig.) She wanted to message Craig as soon as she got home, but she didn’t want to seem too eager. So, she waited until the Monday when she couldn’t take it anymore. He replied almost instantly and her stomach filled with butterflies all over again.
They talked about all sorts of things – high school, their families, mutual friends, their lives since high school, love, sex – everything. She couldn’t believe how enamoured she was with him. The thing about that, though, was… she couldn’t get it out of her head that this was her friend’s high school boyfriend. It was years and years ago, but she couldn’t shake that guilty feeling that she was cheating on her friend. The wounds from her relationship with Nice Car Guy were resurfacing and she wanted nothing to do with that.
She switched over to Notes and started writing her confession. She explained that she realized it was literally almost TWO DECADES since her friend and Craig had dated, but that she would understand if it were weird for her to be chatting with him, and potentially meeting up with him. He was a big part of her friends’ story and she didn’t want to make it uncomfortable for anyone.
Her friend replied a few hours later, basically laughing in her face for over thinking the situation as much as she had. Her friend expressed that she had no feelings about it either way and that it had been so many years, she was actually happy for them if they were able to make a connection. Her friend gave her her blessing and that allowed her to give herself permission to actually accept and enjoy the attention and good vibes she was getting from him.
After she had spoken to her friend, she stopped holding back when he asked her personal questions. They began to talk more about sex and what they were looking for on dating apps. She explained that really, she wasn’t looking for anything serious, and briefly touched on her relationship with her ex. She also expressed that she wasn’t looking to go fuck a bunch of random guys either, especially considering the pandemic. And thus, they began planning when they would meet up.
They both were honest about wanting to hook up – but where? She lived at home with her parents, and he lived with his brother and his brother’s kids. Short of renting a hotel room with the zero money they had, the last resort was quite simply, his truck. It sincerely felt like she had time traveled back to high school. All of a sudden she was 16 again, and this cute guy wanted to take her out and hook up with her in his truck. Ahh, every high school girl’s dream.
Other guys she had chatted with had actually suggested that to her before – hooking up in their trucks. She had always said no. She’s better than that. She wasn’t about to go fuck some random guy bent over the tailgate of his pick-up, bare assed in the freezing cold.
Welp – it would seem her standards only went has high as “random”. Evidently, she was not, in fact, above hooking up with guys in their trucks, as long as she knew them, apparently. They set the date and she waited anxiously for when he would pick her up and she would see him for the first time after so many years.
The plan was for him to meet her after she had dinner with a friend of hers. Her friend had to go home to her baby, so she was able to combine her evening in to two dates instead of one. She messaged him from dinner when she knew what time her friend had to leave. He replied that a friend of his and his brother’s had stopped by and that he wouldn’t be able to meet her.
She questioned him, presuming the friend would be fine there with just his brother, but he replied that his brother wasn’t home, and that he would be hanging out with this friend that evening. Okay??? She replied simply, “Ok.” (note the passive aggressive period), and that was that for Craig that evening. Her friend drove her home and she went up to her room, fuming mad. She jumped on Bumble and began aggressively swiping left and right.
Soon, she happened upon a cute guy with a ginger beard and a friendly face. He lived not far from her (closer than Craig, that’s for sure), so she decided to swipe right. It’s a Match! She sent him a flirty “heyyy” and he replied in minutes. They began chatting and he was very forthcoming. “I’ll be honest,” he said almost immediately. “I’m looking for a FWB (a pandemic buddy). Interested?”
Of course, she was interested! That was literally the only thing she was trying to get out of Craig, but instead, she got ditched. She replied that yes, she was interested, and they discussed the details. Unfortunately, he also lived at home (because apparently that’s the thing to do these days!) as he had lost his job due to the pandemic. There was nowhere to do the deed so they were left just dirty text – what else was new?
In reality, it’s not like she wanted to jump to the next guy so quickly. She was just so mad about being ditched. That was definitely a pattern between her and guys in general. And she was sick of it. So, when Ginger Beard came upon her screen, she took the situation in to her own hands.
The next day when she discovered that she would have the house to herself that coming Sunday, instead of texting Craig, she texted Ginger Beard and set the date.