She was happy to have heard from Chad so soon after their hook up. They continued to chat over the next week, but never about anything important or deep. Always just the same pleasantries, “Hey gorgeous, how goes the day?” he’d ask. “Good, good. Busy morning. How’s your day going?” she’d reply.
She woke up Saturday morning to a text from Chad asking if she wanted to hang out that night. He had hoped she could come over to watch Hockey Night in Canada again. Unfortunately for him, she already had plans to hang out with her friend. And though she had already made these plans before she knew Chad, this friend happened to be an aesthetician and the owner of a successful mobile spa business. Months earlier for Christmas, her mom had purchased her a spa night gift certificate in support of her friends’ small business. Now that she had met Chad and she knew how into feet he was, she thought, what better time to combine her plans with her friend, and cash in on a mani/pedi as well?
When she had told Chad that she was unavailable on Saturday, he asked her when she wanted to see him again and they agreed to hang out the next day instead. He said he would text her, so she spent all of Sunday morning and early afternoon admiring her beautifully pedicured toes as she waited around to hear from him. Eventually he texted and reminded her that he worked on Sundays, so he’d only be free to hang out around 6pm. A little late for her on a Sunday. Also that info would have been nice to know when they arranged these plans… She thought about it and decided she still wanted to see him again so she agreed, despite the inconvenient timing.
Later that day, she drove the 34 minutes back out to the country. She texted him when she got there and waited in her car for his reply. She timed it and waited a full five minutes before texting him again. “Helloooo?” She got out of her car and awkwardly tip toed her way up his front steps. She felt like a stalker creeping up and peeking through the front window. She waited outside his front door for what felt like an eternity, constantly checking her phone for his reply. Finally he startled her as he exploded out of the house, catching his breath. “Sorry! My phone was charging. I didn’t see your texts…” he panted.
She was already annoyed, having had to wait so long even though he knew she was coming, so the vibe was off before he even opened the door. It had been off since he texted about not being able to hang out until later. Something just didn’t feel right to her, but she ignored it and told him, “No worries!” as she scurried inside.
Same awkward song and dance with his mom as they hurried past her and down to the basement again. She tossed her coat and purse onto the couch as she sat uncomfortably on the floor mattress. This time, there was no hockey, so he asked if she wanted to watch Jersey Shore: Family Vacation. The answer was no. No she did not want to watch that. She agreed, however, because she knew that’s not what they’d really be doing.
Sure enough, as soon as he hit play, he was kissing her. But not the sweet, slow, passionate kissing that he started with the last time they were together. This was sloppy, wet, porno kissing. Not what she was expecting, or really what she was into in that moment. But it’s not like she hated it…
That seemed to be the theme of whatever this relationship was with Chad. Everything he did was just a bit out of her comfort zone, but not so far out that she ran for the hills. She kept reasoning with herself for every flaw that came up, talking herself back in to enjoyment. What was it about this guy that kept her so drawn in?
Soon the sloppy kissing stopped and he was on his back, pulling her head down towards his junk. She told him to be gentle this time as he had really hurt her throat during their last encounter. She continued to pleasure him for a while, with zero attempts from him to touch or please her as she did it. Just hair pulling and head smooshing. Finally she had had enough, so she stopped and lay on her back, indicating that it was her turn.
He immediately began fingering her but with zero warm up. She needed some hot button rubbing to get her going before she’d be ready for him to shove his friggin hand inside of her. She told him again what she liked. He started to rub her there but, again, missing the mark. She kept guiding his hand until she finally just gave up and let him finger her, deciding she would take the reigns to get herself where she needed to go.
Things were feeling good. She was getting more into it and it started to feel better and better. While he was pleasuring her, he had adjusted himself so that they were both laying on their backs with their feet at each other’s heads. She was sucking his toes (at his request – she did not just offer up that service), and he had been sucking hers (because she knew he liked it. And again, not her first choice, but it wasn’t that bad). He commented on how much he loved her pedicure. And then, once she was really warmed up (from his fingers, not his feet), he asked, “Can I put my foot inside you? I saw it in a porno and it was so hot…”
“Did he just ask to fuck me with his foot??”
She froze and really didn’t know what to do. Did she want his fucking foot inside of her?? Absolutely not. Did she want him to get off on the kinky shit he liked, though? Yeah, sure. It’s weird because, she was definitely not into all this foot stuff, but she enjoyed seeing him get off on it. She just wished he could step his game up when it came to what made her feel that way.
After some hesitation, she told him he could try it. He tilted his head back and mouthed “yes!”, with excitement. She closed her eyes and imagined it was his hand. But as his big toe entered her, she freaked out and stopped him. She had become a very open-minded person after everything she had experienced throughout her toxic relationship, but some things were still just too much for her. For some reason though, she felt guilty for stopping him. He, however, seemed unbothered; quickly crawling up on top of her, kissing her instead. This time, she liked it.
He then grabbed a condom and they started having sex. He was on top of her, things were feeling really great. Then, without any warning… he fucking spit on her like she was the star of an amateur porn hub video. Pulling her hair from the front, spitting on her face and licking it up – just dirty, raunchy shit that she never would have asked for. Having been in a relationship with a porn addict for seven years, this was not her first time being used as a porn star stand in. She disliked it as much then as she had with her ex.
Should she have stopped him and said something in the moment about how she really didn’t like being spit on? Definitely. But at the risk of sounding like a broken record at this point, she later realized that her relationship with her ex had conditioned her not to speak up for herself in those situations. She had already stopped his foot thing, she didn’t want to protest again.
It appeared that subconsciously, she still had it in her head that sexual pleasure was primarily about the man, and her pleasure was secondary. Even though she knew that logic was unsound, it stopped her from saying anything in the moment. Her only thoughts at the time were that if she said anything, it would have wrecked the mood and stopped the sex. And in her experience, that would have meant that she would be in big trouble. Images flashed in her mind of her ex hovering over her, yelling and screaming as she cowered in a naked ball on the bed. She was terrified of going through that again, so she just let it happen.
They kept at it for a while until he told her he was ready to finish. He asked if she would swallow which, again, not her first choice, but also not her first time so… whatever, sure. Except she then had the idea for him to finish on her feet, instead. She thought that would be something that he’d really be in to, and it was better than taking a load in the mouth. When this idea had occurred to her, she was in an awkward position with her face somewhat muffled by the pillow. She asked, “do you want to cum on my feet?” He paused and said, “Ya we can do that…”
As she moved to adjust her position allowing him better access to her feet, he grabbed her by the throat and pushed her face down into the mattress. Sounds aggressive, but at this point we all know how much she enjoyed being choked. So for a split second, she thought that move was super hot. However, she knew that position wouldn’t allow for him to jizz on her feet, so she figured she would be swallowing. That is, until it became clear that he had decided in that moment, without consulting her, he would prefer to just cum all over her face instead.
In that split second of realization, she scrambled to move her hair out of the way and she closed her eyes to prepare. It happened so quickly, and it went literally everywhere. Her hair, her face, the mattress, his stomach. Fucking everywhere.
When he was done, she just lay there for a moment in complete and utter shock. In her mind she flashed back to the first time her ex had ever done that, and the fight they had afterwards. All the things he said to make her feel like a slut, like she had in some way wanted that to happen. She snapped herself out of it and slowly sat up, her hand beneath her chin in case anything dripped off. Always the lady, she pushed her instant rage down and simply asked him to hand her a Kleenex. “A little warning would have been nice,” she said through her gritted teeth. “I thought I was going to swallow it…” “That was hot!” was all he replied.
She wiped her face with several tissues and scrambled to find her clothes. dressing quickly. He laid back down on the bed and she went upstairs to wash her face. In the bathroom she scrubbed her cheeks and rinsed her hair, putting it up in a bun. She returned to the basement and he was just laying there, back to watching Jersey Shore.
She climbed back on to the mattress next to him and took a big swig of her water. Unlike the last time when she felt so comfortable and happy as she climbed back in next to him, this time he didn’t even adjust his position to welcome her into the bed. They both laid there awkwardly, their elbows invading each other’s space. She took it upon herself to link arms with him, and he held her hand which softened her anger for the moment, just slightly. But there was no conversation.
She lay there next to him, just stewing in her rage. She knew he was kinky and she didn’t have a problem playing the “whore”, to an extent. But if he was going to treat her like that during sex and humiliate her so grotesquely, the least he could do was treat her like a god damn queen afterwards! Instead, he just lay there silently watching TV like she wasn’t even there. She asked why he was so quiet and he replied that she had just drained him, but that he had enjoyed it. At least one of them had…
Chad put on another episode of Jersey Shore and she tried with all her might to pull out some conversation. To make it feel as comfortable as it was the last time they had had sex. But he would barely look at her now. The spark he had in his eye for her had faded and he didn’t see her the same way he had before that night. He was almost repulsed by her, she felt.
While they were having sex he kept saying, “you like being a little whore, don’t you?” This was not her first foray in to dirty talk. And what? – she’s going to reply, “Actually, no. I prefer to be respected and seen as an equal”?? In the moment, she just went with it. But also, sometimes Yes, she did like being a little whore! But that was during sex. Not afterwards! Being ignored and brushed aside after being spit and jizzed on, was really not her idea of a good time.
The second episode finished and instead of hitting play again, he sighed. She knew in that moment that he wanted her to leave. “Are you kicking me out??” she asked. He hmm’d and haahh’d, “Well… I was just thinking, I should probably have dinner. I’m super tired.. gotta work in the morning…”
“FUUUCCKKK YYOOOUUUU!!!” she screamed at him in her head.
She jumped up and threw her sweater back on, grabbed her coat and purse and was at the stairs before he was even off the mattress. “Y’know, it’s a really long drive to come out here for such a short time…” she said, trying to remain calm. He muttered out some more excuses and followed her upstairs. She put her shoes on as fast as she could and tried to leave quickly, but not before he leaned in for the most awkward goodbye kiss in the history of the world. She had been there for a whopping 90 minutes, including the 10 minutes she fucking waited outside.
She rushed down the front steps and got into her car. Driving home as the sun set, she couldn’t decide how she felt. She was more in shock than anything. Did that actually just happen?? Did that CHILD just use her as a cum dumpster and kick her to the curb?! (Basically a child. He was almost 4 years younger than her)
What the fucking fuck just happened?! Her hands gripped tighter on the steering wheel as she followed the winding roads back to the suburbs. By the time she was back in town, she was fucking fuming. And to top it off, she couldn’t even go home yet because she had told her parents she was going to a friends’ place and would likely be home between 9 – 10pm. It was 8:05pm when she pulled in to a Tim Horton’s parking lot just five minutes from her house. She waited there for 45 fucking minutes before going home so she wouldn’t have to explain why she was back so early.
She wanted to shower so badly, but knew that her parents would ask questions if she were to shower at night. Instead, she gave herself a little bird bath in her upstairs bathroom sink. Washing her face again, her feet, her legs, her vagina. Rinsing her hair again… Just utterly disgusted. But miraculously, she wasn’t disgusted with herself. This was surprising as it wouldn’t be unlike her to blame herself for a shitty experience with a guy. But this time she knew she did nothing wrong.
Was she the one to ask him to spit on her? Or lick her face? Or to do any of that freaky foot shit? No, that was all him. And she certainly did not invite him to finish on her fucking face!! Literally one of the most humiliating sex acts she had ever experienced. Yes, she went along with most of what he wanted, but he was the one doing it. He was the one enjoying it. Not her.
She told him what she wanted him to do for her, and he was terrible at it. He was the one in to the rough stuff – she didn’t ask for any of that. Agreeing to the things that he wanted to do didn’t make her a whore. It didn’t make her a slut. It didn’t maker her anything except a kind and generous lover! She did what he liked, what he wanted, what he asked for, and he did nothing to reciprocate.
She didn’t mind getting gross and dirty every now and then. Sometimes the best sex is the really dirty, raunchy, nasty sex where you both finish sweaty and satisfied. But after all she did for him and allowed him to do to her, to then not cuddle with her? To barely look at her or carry on a conversation? To kick her out after AN HOUR AND A HALF, making her feel like the biggest whore out there?! She was livid. Fucking furious. She wanted to drive all the way back there and just rat him out to his mom and tell her about what a fucking skeeze she had raised.
She wrote out a draft text for what she wanted to say to him if he were to text her the next day. Which he didn’t. He had used her and turned her into his little whore, and now he was done with her. The fact that this boy – not a man, a BOY – had used her like that, just made her want to murder someone. Instead, she hid all her dating profiles and decided that that was it for her for a while. She couldn’t win with the older guys. She couldn’t win with the younger guys. She couldn’t win with guys her age. Maybe it was time to start playing for the other team? “Lesbians are really on to something,” she thought. “Men fucking suck.”
She felt overcome by so many feelings. Anger, rage, fury all held strong at the top. But there were also overwhelming waves of shame, embarrassment, rejection, sadness… just to name a few. She crawled into bed after her little bird bath and just stared blankly at the wall until she fell asleep…