She and Kyle continued texting and messaging here and there, and she confirmed the date of the Halloween party with him. She even sent him a funny text about a conversation she had been having with her co-workers about period sex, saying that she told her co-workers about the first time she and Kyle had hooked up and what a champ he was (see Chapter 49). She praised him for being so good in bed. He laughed and replied, “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. My pleasure 😘” and invited her over after work. She wasn’t able to go because she had a staff meeting that night, but man oh man, she wished she could have.
The week before Thanksgiving, she messaged Kyle about their hike. “Heyyy… Still down for a hike on Monday? Followed by some super hot sex?? 😏” (Don’t worry everyone, she knows how smooth that was..) She sent that text on her lunch break, but got no reply. “Okay,” she thought. “He’s working too. He’ll reply later” But he never did.
The next day, she saw an Instagram story he posted about a Covid outbreak at a festival he had attended the weekend before. She kicked herself for thinking that he was ignoring her. “He’s sick with fucking Covid, you bitch!” she told herself as she picked up her phone and sent him another text to see how he was feeling.
She waited until the next day, he still never replied. “He better be dying of Covid and not just ghosting me…” she angrily thought to herself. And no she didn’t actually mean it that she hoped he was dying of Covid. She was just trying to rationalize with herself that he was sick and there had to be an actual reason for him not to reply to her texts all of a sudden.
But there wasn’t. He was full on ghosting her. Randomly, out of no where. He just up and decided he was done talking to her and that he would ignore any texts he received from her, presumably hoping that she’d take the hint. Which, of course, she did.
She understood quickly that she was being ignored. Which obviously put her into a mini spiral of insecurity. She wondered what she had done to trigger this disappearance. It was the hike, wasn’t it? She knew it was too big a step for this friends with benefits relationship.
After that short bout of self doubt, she snapped back to reality and realized that it was nothing she had done that had caused him to ignore her. Whatever the reason was, it was a him problem. She had told him many, many times during their cuddle sessions that she was happy with their casual relationship. She didn’t want anything more from him. She didn’t want a full commitment, she didn’t want all his time and attention, and she especially didn’t want him to meet her parents or her friends (the ones he hadn’t met yet, anyways).
And even going hiking, that wasn’t an attempt to start something more with him. She really just wanted a chance to build up some sexual tension before going back to his place to fuck! She wanted to flirt with him and tease him and make him want her but not be able to have her because they were out in public. Come on, people, that’s hot! It would have been fun to take their sexual chemistry out of the four walls of his bedroom.
And if he didn’t want to go, he could have just said so. Why agree at all if you’re not going to follow through? It was Thanksgiving, for fucks sake! He had a built in excuse right there. Even if it was a lie, she couldn’t have argued with that and she wouldn’t have brought it up again. (Not that she would had argued if he had said no, regardless of the reason. He would have been completely entitled to just not want to go, and she would had respected that either way.)
And even if he had wanted to go originally but changed his mind, why ghost her? She figured after all the time they had spent together, he would have had enough decency and respect for her to at least fucking tell her, “Hey listen, I’m actually not really feeling it anymore. I’m really sorry, I know I said I would. Another time, maybe…” Easy as that.
Would it have sucked to have gotten that text? Well obviously. Of course she would have been disappointed. But at least she wouldn’t have felt tossed aside and disrespected like she did when he just ignored her instead. Wasn’t he trying to work on himself? Become more mindful? Working towards becoming a better, more whole person? How does ghosting someone achieve any of that??
It was a full two weeks that she hadn’t heard anything from him. Halloween was approaching and, aside from inviting him to the party, she had also asked Kyle to see if he could get her some ‘shrooms for the occasion. She had only done them a handful of times before, but thought it might be fun to do on Halloween. She used that as an excuse to make one last ditch effort to get him to talk to her.
“Hi. Sorry to text you again. I don’t know if you’re sick from that festival or just busy or whatever, but I was just wondering if you’re still coming to Halloween? Last time I was over we talked about you helping me get some shrooms for that night. If you’re still able to, that would be awesome. If not, I’ll figure something else out. Let me know” She resisted truly giving him shit. At the very least, she hoped she could still get those shrooms out of him. But again, no reply…
Until the next evening.
“Hey, sorry if I’ve been MIA for a while. Wasn’t the right thing to do so I apologize for that. But no, I won’t be able to go to the Halloween party. I got a new job where I work on weekends now so I won’t be able to stay up late. I’m still sick from the festival but I’m feeling good now. My shroom guy is super sick, probably has Covid, so I’ll have to wait to get some stuff from him”
She contemplated not replying. Why should she? And what would he care either way if she did or didn’t? Ultimately, she did reply. It’s not in her to ignore people. Must just be that she’s a better person than him, that’s all (😆) All she said was, “Kk. Glad you’re feeling better. Good luck with the job .” (If he even did have a new job? Who knows..)
Some time later, she was on Instagram and must have searched him, realizing that she hadn’t seen a story by him in a while. When she looked at his profile she discovered that, not only had he been ghosting her, he had hidden his stories from her as well. Whyy?
Why did he all of a sudden just like, full on hate her? Was he perhaps seeing someone new? Okay, fine. But just tell her! What was it with guys just dropping people so casually like it doesn’t even matter? She was especially frustrated by this hurtful act because she had just been in this exact situation herself, with Greg. She wasn’t in to him, but she felt like the decent thing to do was to break the news to him in a kind but clear way. And here Kyle was, not even giving her that same courtesy.
She knew what their relationship was. She was almost a decade older than Kyle. Of course if he were to get in to a real relationship with someone it would be with someone his own age. She knew that whenever she got into a real relationship, it wouldn’t be with him either. Ideally it will be with someone her own age or older. But if that happened while she was still seeing Kyle, she damn well would have told him about it and not ghosted him and blocked him on Stories.
So that was it. That was the end of her interactions with Kyle. Yes he was in his 20’s and immature and just a dumb guy and all the other things one can tell themselves in situations like this. But what it came down to was that he was a nice guy who made her feel good, who appreciated her body and her sexuality, and who really hurt her feelings by just ignoring her like that without so much as an explanation. It sucked. But it is what it is, right? Moving on, yet again.
Fortunately, around this time, all the chaos with her job had been occupying her mind and she didn’t have a lot of time to sit around and dwell on this failed FWB situation. She was working hard to sort her shit out and if Kyle didn’t fit in with this new life she was building for herself, then fuck it, it’s better that it ended, then. In the meantime, though, she was obviously still cruising the dating apps. She chatted with guys here and there, but none of them sparked her intrigue enough to keep the conversation going. Then one night, she randomly matched with guy on Hinge.
Hinge was (and probably still is) her least favourite of the dating apps. She didn’t like that you have to use the prompts they give you instead of just writing up a little blurb about herself. She also found that most of the guys on there were looking for more serious relationships, and that still wasn’t exactly where she wanted to be yet. However, one night she got a notification that someone had liked her on the app.
She checked and saw this tall, kind of goofy looking yet ruggedly handsome guy with a killer beard, had sent her a rose. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to match with him because his photos weren’t really all that great, but something inside her told her that this poor guy just wasn’t very photogenic, and to give him a chance.
She matched with him and he sent her a message pretty quickly. They got to chatting and soon she discovered that he was originally from her end of town, but that he had moved out to Whistler many years ago and was just back for a family visit. “Perfect” she thought. After the whole Kyle thing, she didn’t want to get involved with someone on a somewhat regular basis again. On the other hand, having someone fawn over her and give her the attention she craved, at least for a little while, could be exactly what she needed…