She was happy to have heard from Jon again, and that her little injury didn’t deter him or turn him off. She was looking forward to seeing him, this time for a real date. They agreed to meet up that coming Friday at a nearby restaurant. She loved that he lived so close and that she didn’t have to go downtown to see him.
She arrived shortly after him, and found him seated at a booth on the bar side of the restaurant. Jon got up and hugged her hello, and they eased in to some comfortable conversation. This was the first time they’d hung out, both completely sober. The first time they’d met, he was drunk. The second time they’d met, they were both drunk. So this time was really the make-it-or-break-it date.
After the initial pleasantries, he let out a big sigh and began venting about his family situation. Jon was one of 4 siblings. He and his brother shared the same dad, but his mom had had his younger siblings with another man – his dad’s brother, to be specific. His younger siblings were also his cousins! She was hooked. She could have listened to that family drama all night! But then he got in to the fact that one of his sisters isn’t vaxxed, so they can’t go see this family member or that family member because of it. There’s now a big rift in the family, bla bla bla.
She was empathetic and supportive, at first. But he just kept rambling on about it. Whenever the Covid conversation seemed to be coming to a natural end, like she’d be able to change subject, he’d just start repeating himself again. Obviously it was weighing on him and she felt bad for him, but if she wanted to discuss Covid and the pandemic, she could have just stayed home and turned on the news.
Eventually, she was able to guide the conversation to a more light hearted subject, but she found that no matter what she said, Jon constantly interrupted her with whatever relatable story he had, never letting her finish her own. V annoying.
Soon, the food arrived. She had ordered a spicy chicken appetizer, he ordered a personal pizza. As she began to cut a piece of chicken, Jon just started shoveling his pizza in like he had just gotten out of prison and hadn’t eaten a real meal in years. Not only that, he continued to talk as he ate. Continuing to interrupt her as he mowed down on big wads of sauced up dough. Not sexy.
They finished their meals and drank up the rest of their drinks after agreeing that they’d continue their evening back at his place. She may have been turned off by his table etiquette, but she was still down to fool around after having had such a good time before. He had walked over to the restaurant because he lived so close, so he hopped in her car and she drove them back to his parents place. They were out again, and she thought about how she wished her own parents could have as busy a social life as Jon’s parents seemed to.
They went downstairs and settled in to his bed together. He put on some random show on Netflix, and the make out sesh began. His kissing was a lot sloppier than she had remembered. Also, was he this friggin skinny the last time they hooked up? She could feel his bony shoulder blades protruding from his back as she wrapped her arms around him. She was definitely not as in to it this time as she had been the time before, but “maybe he was just a slow starter?” she thought. He moved his way down to start warming her up, but again, just not the same as last time.
Soon, they switched positions and he was laying on his back. She started giving him a BJ, and within a few short minutes, he was pushing her off of him so he could finish. Her intent was not to get it to that point, she was just trying to get him to stay up. Turns out, he had had like 3 beers before meeting her at the restaurant. Including the 2 beers he had when they were out, apparently he was pretty drunk and she never even realized it! He held his composure pretty well, but so much for them both being sober! (🙄)
He grabbed a nearby towel and did his thing. “Awesome“, she thought. “Now what?” He was still willing and eager to help her finish, but the mood had pretty much passed. She really had tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but she realized she should have trusted her gut at the restaurant when she was initially turned off.
After Jon cleaned himself up, he offered to go grab them some water. She got dressed and checked her phone as he left the room. To her surprise and delight, there was a message from Brady. She hadn’t spoken to him in a little while, but after that disappointing hook up, she was genuinely happy to hear from him.
The text was from an hour or so prior, asking what she was up to that night. She thought about lying and saying she was just with a friend, but their “relationship” (if you could even call it that) had developed in such a way that not only could she tell him she was on a date, she could tell him she had just had a lame hook up and she knew he’d be interested. She quickly replied as Jon came back with two glasses of water. He handed her hers, and asked if she wanted to go check out his “man cave”.
Jon showed her out to the backyard. There was a large structure in the back corner. Not exactly a guest house, but definitely bigger than a shed. It was weird, but also kind of cool. They walked in and it was literally just a stoner shack. That’s where he and his brother kept all their weed and paraphernalia, complete with a ratty old futon, an old, torn up La-Z-Boy, a big screen and a mini-fridge.
She sat down on the edge of the recliner as Jon attempted to get the TV to work. Then he sat down and began to roll them a joint. As he was rolling, she read Brady’s reply. He asked her to come over, but she replied to him that she couldn’t because she was still with Jon. He teased and asked her to send him a pic, so she candidly took a pic of Jon’s foot and the TV on the wall behind him. Brady told her to come over when she was done, and she agreed to text him when she left.
Jon took a hit of the joint and passed it to her, which she accepted, knowing she’d then have to stay a little while longer. It was good weed, but as she sat there getting stoned with him, she realized there were now truly zero sexy vibes between her and Jon, at least on her end.
Looking at him now, he looked like just some punk kid. He was skinny and gangly and not as funny as he thought he was and just.. ugh. She had learned that being the “older woman” could be fun, but in that moment it just felt pathetic. She wanted to leave but had just taken that hit from the joint so she had to wait it out a little while longer. Jon, on the other hand, smoked the whole thing and was now glassy eyed and goofy. She knew he had no idea that she was regretting this little tryst.
About half an hour later, she felt comfortable enough to drive. Jon walked her back to the main house so she could grab her things, and he kissed her goodbye at the door as she left. As she shut the car door, she texted Brady letting him know she was leaving. She had been so disappointed by this date, the thought of a make-up hook up seemed too enticing to pass up. After texting Brady, she thought to herself that if he replied right away, she’d go see him, but if he hadn’t replied by the time she drove passed his house (or like, the street that would take her to his house), then she would just go home. Not surprisingly, she ended up just going home.
The next day, she had some errands to run so she was up early. She checked her phone when she woke up and saw a message from Brady from like 2:30am. She replied to him that she hoped he had a fun night, to which he surprisingly replied quickly. He said that he did have fun, and asked if she had fun hooking up with that guy. She told him that it was a less than satisfactory encounter, and he suggested that she come by that day so he could make it up to her.
Now, the first time she and Brady had hooked up, similar to her first time meeting Jon, he was drunk and she was not. It was not great, and she reminded herself of Brady’s skinny little wiener. However! This time he would be sober and would likely be better adept at meeting her needs. She told him that she was down to come over, but that she had some errands to run first. She said she would only need like an hour, and then she’d stop by. He agreed and told her to text him when she was done.
This was mid-December, so her errands included fighting crowds at the mall and sitting in traffic. It took her about 2 hours to get everything done, but when she got back in to her car in the mall parking lot, she texted Brady that she was ready to come over. She sat there, waiting for him to reply. Waiting. And waiting. And waiting. She waited a good like, 12 minutes before texting him again. He replied quickly to her second text, but completely side stepped her question about her coming over. So she asked again, and then again no reply.
She sat there in her car, now completely enraged. Was she the one to start texting him again? No. Was she the one who asked to go over that day? No. Why text her at all if he didn’t want her to come over? Why even suggest or hint at it? AND, say he had initially been down but then got caught up in something, why not just tell her?? Why ignore her?? Why was he fucking with her?? Uuuggghhhh!!
She wrote some version of those thoughts and sent him another message. He replied, “Oh stop, you’re fine” which made her want to smash her phone in to a million pieces. Instead, she sent him an eye roll and middle finger emoji and shoved her phone back in her purse. Then she drove home. Fuck that guy, and his skinny, useless wiener.
Two shitty experiences with two separate guys in less than 24 hours was enough to turn her off of dating for that moment. It was just before Christmas, she knew it would be a lot of family time coming up, so she decided to just let it all go and focus on the good. Christmas came, she had a wonderful day with her family, and even though she didn’t really get any holidays that year, she enjoyed her time off as best she could.
She had to work throughout the week between Christmas and New Years. For months prior she had been over the moon excited about her New Years Eve plans to go to Montreal with her friend and her husband (Not a third wheel, a Throuple. There’s a difference 😉). However, like literally everyone else, her NYE plans got canceled when the Covid protocols changed.
Not only was she disappointed at not being able to go away for the weekend, she had also arranged to meet up with a guy she had met on Tinder months earlier. He lived in Montreal so they had yet to meet, but they’d stayed in touch since they first matched, and she was so looking forward to a fun night with him. Instead, her New Years plans now consisted of dinner and a movie at home with her parents. Could have been worse, of course. But still, it was not what she had hoped for.
While she and her parents were watching the movie, she saw her phone light up. It was a text from Brady. She rolled her eyes when she saw his name, but then also immediately opened it. “New years plans?”, was all it said. She waited a good 10 minutes before replying, and when she did she told him that she had hoped to be hooking up with a hot guy from Montreal, but that her plans got canceled.
“Wanna come over? I could try to find another girl to come by, too…” Brady replied. She was taken aback by the random inclusion of another woman, and wondered why he would think she’d just all of a sudden be down for a threesome. She replied “No thanks,” to the ménage a trois, but said maybe she’d be down to hang out just the two of them. He hmm’d and haah’d and tried to lessen the blow to the fact that he already had a girl coming over.
“So… I’m the other girl then?” she asked incredulously. “Why didn’t you just say that? ‘I’m having a girl over tonight, wanna join?’ Why pretend I was your first choice?” He didn’t really have an answer, he just laughed and brushed over it. “Well, no thanks, I’m good. Have fun…” she texted. “You have fun too,” he replied. She was still surprised at the random question, but was also super annoyed. Not only with Brady, but with herself for letting him get under her skin like that. Why were gingers always such ass holes, and yet were always able to maintain such a hypnotic hold over her?
New Years came and went, and she was back to work the following Tuesday. As she was scrolling through Instagram on her lunch, she saw a new post from Brady. She clicked on it, and for some reason, something inside of her just told her that she needed to check if he was still following her. Sure enough, the fucker had unfollowed her because she turned him down on NYE.
Fuck you, Needle Dick!! She unfollowed him immediately.
She was so mad. She was also mad because she hated how mad she was. She was mad because, yet again, she had become hooked on a guy with zero potential for anything (not even a good hook up!) and yet she still yearned for some kind of acceptance from him. Well! Not today, Satan. Not today.
That was is it. That was the moment she realized that she was wasting her time and her potential on guys who weren’t even worth a second look, let alone worth agonizing over. It was this revelation that led her to the epiphany that she needed to get back to focusing on herself, rather than the validation she felt from male attention. (Click here to elaborate).
In 2022, she vowed to make herself and her own happiness Priority Number One. Dating would be shifted to the back burner and, unless someone amazing came along, that is where it would stay until she was able to get the rest of her life in order.