Her week long whirlwind with Mo happened in February. A few weeks went by, and she disinterestedly continued to swipe away on the apps. Same old same old.
She was so blasé about dating now. Mo had gotten her hopes up for the first time in a long time, and now she felt pre-disappointed by anyone she was even mildly attracted to. Then one day in March, there he was. The most gorgeous male specimen she had ever laid her eyes on. Tall, broad shoulders, tattoos and… Ginger. If you’re a die-hard here you’ll know how much she loves a Ginge. He had thick, deep red hair, brownish/red eye brows, a brownish/red beard, and two full sleeves of tattoos. She fell hard for this guy at the mere sight of him. We’ll call him Erik.
She went through Erik’s profile up and down, staring at his photos for far longer than was needed. She immediately started fantasizing about what life would be like when they got married. Truly, it’s crazy how attracted she was to this guy and she hadn’t even met him.
Never in a million years did she think that he would ever swipe right on her. Guys she wanted never wanted her. That’s not insecurity, that’s just facts. Regardless, after screen shotting his pics, she swiped right. Fully expecting nothing to happen, she was shocked and delighted when she saw… IT’S A MATCH!
Omg! Omg! He had already swiped right on her and now they had matched… Aahhhh!!
Okay, play it cool, she thought. Don’t message him just yet. She tried to wait as long as she could but literally like 3 minutes went by and she couldn’t wait a second longer. She sent him her usual greeting and hoped for the best.
She had to distract herself. Otherwise she would just be staring at her phone longing for him to reply. She tossed her phone face down on her bed and went to work out, hoping desperately that when she was done she would have a message from Erik. About an hour later she came back upstairs and, low and behold, her dream man had responded. And what’s even more shocking? He was a completely normal, charming, regular guy.
Growing up, whenever she pictured her future husband, he never had a face. He was always just this tall, shadowy-faced figure. For the first time ever in her life, that faceless image seemed a bit less blurry. Now, was she getting ahead of herself? Oh absolutely. She’s completely insane, clearly. But only on the inside. In conversation with Erik she was actually surprisingly cool and nonchalant.
She told him her little sob story, and Erik filled her in on his. He was in the military as some kind of trainer. Not like with guns or anything physical. Something to do with strategy and academics. He would travel around Canada and the US and teach military folk in a class room, but he didn’t really elaborate more than that. Nor did she ask. In general, she wasn’t really in to military guys. Of course for Erik she was making an exception. He then dropped this bad news bomb; that he was only two months out of a 15 year relationship.
Son of a bitch. Apparently that was par for the course, though, for dating in your 30’s / after a pandemic. Most singles are single because they’ve just come out of their first marriage, a long term relationship, or an ill-conceived Covid fling. Hence, hook up culture. No one wants to start anything serious because they’ve all just come out of something serious. Now it was time for fun. She understood. That’s how she felt too. Or, at least how she used to feel.
The longer she found herself on those apps, the more she was realizing that it wasn’t really for her anymore. She did want something more than just a one night stand. Of course, she wasn’t about to say that to Erik. She at least wanted to go on a date with him first. Dazzle him with her charm and wit and surely he would want to jump in to marriage again, no?
She and Erik chatted all evening, and though he was going away on business later that week, he asked her out on a date the following weekend. To which she eagerly and happily agreed. They decided to meet the following Saturday at an Irish pub downtown .
That week went by in a flash. When Saturday came, she arrived before him and was seated way, wayyy in the back of the pub. This establishment was kind of like a maze. Every corner you turned there was another room, another dance floor, another bar. They had agreed to meet at 9pm so she was shocked to have even gotten a table at all, knowing the bar would start to get busier as the night went on.
She ordered a water and tried to look normal as she waited for Erik to arrive. She wasn’t sure what “look normal” meant, but she knew she was at a 12/10 on the nervous scale. She looked up from her glass as she sipped, and there he was. This giant, gorgeous man squeezing through the tiny little halls and lowered ceilings. She wanted to get up to greet him with a hug, but it was too tight to really maneuver so she settled for a welcoming smile.
“It’s so nice to meet you,” he began. “You too,” she replied. The server came by and took their orders. Erik motioned for her to order first, so she ordered a pint of Michelob Ultra, expecting him to get some hops-filled craft IPA. “Just a coffee for me, thanks” Erik said. The server headed over to the bar and Erik continued, “oh ya, I don’t drink.”
She now felt stupid for ordering a beer, but that’s what you do at bars! “Oh no,” she laughed. “We could have gone somewhere else?” “No, no. I like the atmosphere here. It’s a good spot” Erik insisted as they both scanned the now much louder and much fuller bar than that which they had been sitting in a few moments earlier.
“It’s really starting to fill up,” he remarked as the server returned with their drinks. “What??” she shouted to him from across the table. The music had just gone up and the party level of the bar had increased substantially. They spent the rest of their date leaning over the table, basically talking face to face in order to hear each other.
Despite the sitcom like atmosphere they found themselves in, she was genuinely enjoying herself. Erik was everything she had hoped he’d be. He was funny, he was charismatic, he was open and forthcoming about his recent separation and what he was looking for. They had a lot in common when it came to their failed relationships. They had each been wronged by their former partners. Turns out Erik’s ex had cheated on him, though he only ever alluded to that fact and never flat out said it. It wasn’t an amicable separation, to say the least. She had been trying not to talk about her ex so much on dates anymore, but it was hard not to when that was all she had to relate to his stories.
They talked for as long as they could before the bar got more crowded and they could barely hear each other at all anymore. “Do you want to go for a walk?” Erik suggested. She enthusiastically agreed. The server had already come by to settle up as the pub had switched over to bar service, so she took one last sip of her half finished beer, and they headed out.
She guided them through the wall-to-wall Gen Z’s as Erik towered over everyone, even as he hunched beneath the low ceilings. They finally made it outside and she was hit with the brick wall of cold winter air. She had hoped Erik would notice how cold she was and just scoop her up in his big strong arms to keep her warm. Alas, he did not.
They started walking and continued their conversation. She could tell he was trying to word things right, not wanting to shit on his ex, but also wanting to be truthful. She continued on as she usually did; trying to flirt but likely acting a fool. She was just so awkward! She was funny when she didn’t mean to be, and when she tried to crack a joke, they never seemed to land. Still, he seemed to be enjoying her company. At least she hoped he was.
The wind started to pick up and it was getting colder as the night wore on. They turned around and he offered to walk her to her car which was parked a few blocks passed the pub. When they got there, they said their goodbyes and he came in for a hug. She ascended on to her tippy toes as he bent down, and she felt like she had just hugged a concrete pillar. He was so solid, my gosh..
He kissed her cheek and told her he had had a nice time. “Chat soon” he said as she got in to her car. He continued to walk down the sidewalk in the direction she would be driving. He waved at her as she passed him, and it wasn’t until he was out of her eyeline that she allowed herself to let out a little yelp of excitement. She had had a really nice time. No sexual innuendos, no dirty jokes, no hook up. Just a lovely, regular first date with a nice guy she was hopeful to see again.
Erik texted her on Tuesday. He confirmed that he had really enjoyed their date and that he’d like to take her out again. Unfortunately, though, he would be away for work for the next two weeks but said he’d love to get together when he got back.
Now, anyone who’s dated ever knows that that could have been complete bullshit. That’s something a Fuck Boy would say in order to keep things casual. She chose to believe that this was the truth. And based on everything he had told her, she had no reason to assume otherwise. She replied to Erik’s text by saying that she would love to get together with him when he was back. She told him to message her when he was available next, leaving the ball completely in his court.
In the meantime, she carried on as if they had never gone out. She knew where he stood, he knew where she stood. She accepted that she couldn’t rush this in any way, but she was still hopeful for a second date. Though she was exploding with anticipation of their next encounter, she somehow was able to reign in her expectations and take things a day at a time. Unusual for her. With any guy she was ever semi-interested in, she was usually able to dismiss them and move on. With someone she had a crush on, however, she would normally obsess and overthink. In this case she felt confident that she could take Erik at his word, and that she would see him again soon enough.