Summer 2023 was one of her best summer’s to date. She and her friend share the same birthday, so every year their combined birthday bash is basically the kick-off to the season. This year they hosted their birthday on a Tiki boat. They toured on the water around the downtown core while sipping cocktails and dancing to a killer throwback playlist. She couldn’t have asked for a better way to celebrate, or for a better start to the summer.
A couple weeks later, she attended an annual music festival that her city puts on each summer. There were tons of bands and performers that she had hoped to see, but the dates didn’t align with any of her friends’ schedules, so she had no one to go with. She contemplated not going at all but realized what a waste that would have been for her. Why did she need someone to go with? Why couldn’t she just go alone? So she did. And she had an even better time than she had ever had at that music festival before. Solo dates are the best!
Being that she was alone, she was able to wiggle her way through the crowds and get as close as she possibly could to the stage. Everyone around her was there for the same reason; to enjoy the music and to see their favourite performers. So even though she was on her own, she was among friends. She was also able to squirm out of the crowds just before the last songs ended and scored first dibs on the porta-potties before booking it out of the festival grounds ahead of the hordes of people. She was so happy and proud of herself for not holding herself back from those experiences just because she was solo. Big life lesson learned there. She now knows for certain that she is her own best company.
Mid-summer, her friend had invited her to join her, her husband and their toddler son on an amazing vacation. Her friends’ sister-in-law lived across the country, and was getting married. Her friend and her husband were attending the wedding, but needed someone to watch their son during the reception. She jumped at the chance to join them on their trip.
The first few days, her friends were occupied with pre-wedding events and activities, so she was able to spend a few jam-packed days with her own family who happened to live out that way as well. It was the perfect opportunity to see aunts and cousins she doesn’t get to see often. The day of the wedding, she picked up her friends’ son from the wedding venue and had a fun little evening just her and her toddler pal. Then later that week, her friends’ husband flew home while she and her friend and her son headed out a little further west to visit another friend of theirs who had moved out that way a few years prior. This was the trip of a lifetime and she just felt so grateful for that experience.
Towards the end of the summer, she finally made some headway in regard to her ADHD diagnosis. That might not sound like a fun time, but it really was such a significant moment in her life, and she counts herself lucky to finally be properly medicated. Now she is able to move forward in a way that works for her. (Click here to read).
Shortly afterwards, she spent a lovely weekend with some friends at a cottage, she went for some hikes with her parents’ dog, she had some girls’ nights out on the town, and she ended the summer in mid-September with a road-trip to a small family reunion at her cousin’s property about 2hrs away from where she lived. Yes, her family is huge, so it was nice to see other relatives she hadn’t seen in a while. All in all, that summer was one for the books.
It’s probably evident, then, why she didn’t really get up to too much dating over those three months. She accepted the odd date here and there, but overall she was just too busy enjoying herself and the more fulfilling aspects of her life.
Early in the summer she had matched with a guy on Bumble who possessed some of the attributes she would normally look for in a guy, but there were also a few things about him that turned her off. She had been trying to expand her horizons in regard to her “type”, so she figured she’d give this guy a chance. We’ll call him Adam.
Adam was a tall fellow. Broad and husky, with a nice dark beard and dark hair. While she definitely had a thing for tall, dark and handsome, Adam’s hair was greased back with so much oil you could fry an egg on his head in the right heat. He was also wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt in every single one of his photos. Different shirts in each pic!
These are some of things she typically would have swiped left on, but he had kind eyes and a nice smile so she gave him the benefit of the doubt. They got to chatting. He was charming and funny and didn’t allude to sex in any way, shape, or form, which was refreshing. They agreed to meet that Friday at what had become her favourite first date pub.
Friday rolled around, and she headed downtown to meet him. She had to take a lap or two around the block to find a parking space, and in doing so she lucked out and found street parking directly beside the bar. While she was searching, however, she drove past Adam strolling down the street in his signature Hawaiian shirt, complete with slides that even from her car she could envision the sound of them slapping against his feet. She shuddered, and immediately second guessed her decision. Then she realized how superficial she sounded and talked herself back up to being open minded.
She parked, and as she got out and turned the corner she saw Adam standing outside the bar waiting for her. She’s not a big hugger on first dates. Not upon greeting, anyways. If the dates go well she’ll hug at the end, but typically she’ll just say hello and introduce herself before moving towards whatever table or setting she and her date would be headed. Adam, however, was a hugger. He wrapped her up in his giant, hairy arms, and held her tightly against his sweaty torso. She cringed as she gave the ol’ double pat on the back to indicate the hug was over.
They headed down the steps into the pub and were quickly seated at a high top table out on the patio. It was awkward at first. She could tell he was shy, which was surprising considering how much attention his wardrobe attracted.
The server came by and they ordered some drinks. Once they had each settled in to their cocktails, he seemed to get a little more comfortable. She found out that Adam had been single for about seven years. He said that with his job and then the pandemic, he’d just had a lot of trouble finding the right scenario in which to meet women. He worked as a programmer for some tech company, so was already working remotely when Covid hit.
She told him a bit about her past relationship, and they bonded over their shitty exes. After they had each had another drink, they agreed to leave and just take a walk around the downtown area. She ended up oversharing way more than she had hoped to, but Adam’s conversation skills were subpar at best, so she felt obligated to fill the awkward silences.
They ended up strolling over to the city’s canal area, which stretched the length of much of downtown. It was late, it was dark, and she never would have gone around there on her own at that hour. Looking back now she realized it was also sketchy to even have gone with Adam, but if you had seen him or spoken to him you would understand how she felt no fear from being with him. He was a giant teddy bear.
As they walked along the canal, she mentioned to him how she would never have gone there alone, and he was annoyingly flabbergasted to hear of her safety concerns as a woman out late at night. “Oh wow, that never occurred to me,” he said. She subtly rolled her eyes as they continued on their way. It always bothered her when men couldn’t fathom the fear women have in those situations… but that’s a rant for another time.
After about 20 minutes or so, they made their way back towards the bar. He walked her to her car and he wrapped her up in another uncomfortable and sweaty hug. She was happy to have given him a chance, but knew pretty well that she wasn’t in to him. Except, when Adam messaged her the next day asking if she would be interested in grabbing dinner another time, she said yes. She knew her pattern of writing off nice guys too early, and though some of his qualities did annoy her, she saw what a good guy he was and wanted to give it another go.
Their second date was set for that coming Thursday. She had been dreading it the entire week. Her motivation for giving the nice guy a chance had dwindled, and she wanted to cancel but instead had decided she would go and just make up some excuse to leave the date early. She worked close to his end of town, so they agreed to meet somewhere closer to him this time. She arrived to the restaurant and again saw him waiting outside for her. She got out of her car clutching her forehead and immediately lied to him saying she had a terrible headache. He was empathetic but seemingly unconcerned.
The server showed them to their table, and she then had to proceed as if her head were pounding throughout the entire meal. The conversation was lackluster at most since she wasn’t engaging as much as she had on the first date, and he never seemed to have anything interesting to contribute.
Adam had originally suggested they go for another walk, this time around a picturesque nature trail nearby. They got through their meal, and when it was time to settle up she really laid it on thick that she didn’t think she’d be able to join him for another stroll. He was visibly annoyed, which sort of surprised her after him having witnessed her Oscar worthy headache performance all evening, but he walked her to her car again and gave her another awkward and sweaty hug. He told her to text him, and she agreed knowing full well that was a lie, and then off she went. She didn’t reach out to him again, nor did he reach out to her.
She was relieved that he had gotten the message, but also felt bad for having gone through that whole headache rigmarole. He was a nice guy. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings by just bailing, but she knew that lying to him wasn’t any better. She should have just canceled rather than put on a show. Oh well, she thought. Guess nice guys do finish last…