Aside from Adam, there was one other guy who wasted her time over the summer. We’ll call him Dennis. They had matched on Bumble and chatted for a while, eventually moving it over to Instagram. Dennis would message her, she would reply, and he would either leave her on Read, or just not even look at the message for a couple days. She was quickly irritated and impatient with his inconsistency, so she unfollowed him and removed him as a follower.
A few days later she got another message from him, which surprised her because she didn’t realize he could still message her after she had removed him. In the message Dennis apologized for his poor communication, and pleaded with her to let him take her out.
On one hand, she had already completely dismissed him and was not interested in playing his game. On the other hand, it was rare for a guy to take accountability for himself and seem genuine in his efforts to make up for it. Unsurprisingly, she caved and agreed to go out with him. Dennis happened to live in the same end of town as she did, which was also rare, so they arranged to meet that Friday at a nearby bar.
Friday came, and she and Dennis had been texting all day. They were meant to meet for 8pm, but as she arrived he messaged her saying he was going to be late. Not off to a great start, but she was nothing if not forgiving. The hostess sat her at a quiet booth on the other side of the bar area. Ten minutes went by. Fifteen. She told herself that if he made it to thirty, she was out. Then she rolled her eyes at her own stupidity. Oh yea, because her standards are so high. Twenty-nine minutes late is fine, but thirty is a deal breaker…
Twenty minutes before he rushed in, sweaty and frantic. That was comforting. At least he realized how shitty it was of him to be late like that. “Sorry!” he said as he leaned down to give her a half-hug as she struggled to reach up to him from her seat in the booth. “I stopped to get us some drinks for later. The line at the liquor store was crazy!” Drinks for later? We’re at a bar now…, she thought to herself. She wasn’t sure what he had planned in his head, but she hadn’t had any intention of going anywhere else.
The server came by to get their drink orders. She asked for a glass of Pinot Grigio, while Dennis ordered a double rum and coke, and a shot of Jack. Jesus Christ, she thought to herself. She tried not to let it bother her, but like, relax bro. It’s a first date, not a rager.
Despite the terrible start, Dennis was actually very articulate and well spoken. He was funny and charming, and asked interesting questions. He was attentive to her answers, and she felt genuinely heard in everything she was saying.
They bonded over their past bad relationships, and he fawned over her. Telling her how beautiful and sexy she was. Maybe that was the booze, though. Throughout their nearly three-hour date, she had had two 5oz glasses of wine, while Dennis had had three doubles, and four shots. He wasn’t a big guy, either. He was maybe 5’8. He used to be an almost pro boxer so he was fit for sure, but how he managed to drink all that in such a short time period without falling down was surprising to her.
By the end of the date, Dennis had somehow charmed her enough that they were holding hands across the table. He was gently stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. Starved for affection, per yooj, she was literal putty in his hands. They had talked about their pets, and he had shown her pictures of his new puppy. “Do you want to come back and see her?” he asked. She paused, and smirked, before telling him that she didn’t want to go back to his place because she knew what would happen, and she wasn’t looking to hook up on the first date.
“No, no!” Dennis insisted. “No sex if you’re not comfortable. I’ve just been out so much today that I really should go back and take her out, but I also don’t want this date to end yet…” She wasn’t sure if she was being an informed, independent lady making her own choices, or if she was just a gullible sucker enjoying the dopamine hits Dennis kept giving her. Regardless of the reason, she caved again and agreed to go see his dog.
Dennis lived about five minutes down the road. She was concerned about his drinking and driving, but being that she would be following him in her own car, and that it was just a short drive away, she pushed her reservations aside and followed him back to his place. (In writing this, please know that she sees all these red flags. She saw them then, too, but man! Being attention starved and horny can really cloud a person’s judgement.)
Dennis lived in a renovated basement apartment below a beautiful single home in a newly developed suburban area. They walked up around the side of the house, and downstairs to his apartment. No, it wasn’t creepy. No, she didn’t fear for her safety. She was, however, utterly disgusted with how dirty his place was. Dishes piled high in the sink, spilling out over the counters. Grime and filth everywhere. Clothes in piles all over the place. Very much a bachelor pad. The dog, however, was cute as fuck.
He got the leash on the dog and they headed back outside. No idea what kind of dog it was, but she had huge paws and a goofy little walk. She fell in love with this little puppy. They walked around for maybe twenty minutes or so before heading back. She had intended to leave, but Dennis had immediately started clearing out the mess and apologizing for how gross it all was.
She knew that if she didn’t leave right then, that they’d end up having sex. By that point she just figured, what the hell! The last guy she had had sex with was Curtis, who had devastated her when he told her wasn’t ready for anything serious after his last relationship. Maybe, she thought, it was time to get a little action?
She sat on the couch, which was actually a nice piece of furniture once all the clothes had been shoved off of it. Dennis sat down beside her, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Got her nice and nuzzled in, and began looking for something to throw on the TV before the inevitable canoodling started. He settled on a Kevin Hart stand up special. Because obviously nothing says romance like Kevin Hart yelling at you from a TV screen.
They started making out. He was a decent kisser, but she’d had better for sure. Also the beak of his baseball cap was knocking her in the forehead, so she yanked it off his head. The look of terror and shock on his face; like she had just killed his dog. When all she had done was expose his extremely receding hairline. He definitely looked better with the cap on so she understood why he wore it, but seriously? You think she’d want to keep going while being jabbed in the face with it? No thanks.
They moved the party to the bedroom, where of course the sheets were strewn about, barely hanging on to the mattress. At this point, not only was she disgusted with Dennis, but she was disgusted with herself that she had ignored every single dis-interested feeling she had had towards him, just because he was giving her attention. How low was her self esteem if yet another guy like this giving her compliments was enough to once again make her abandon her instincts? Why did she keep repeating this pattern?
The sex was quick and uninspired. She 100% did not finish. Not even close. He, however, was like a fish out of water when he orgasmed. His entire body flailing about like he was having a full on seizure, accompanied by the most over the top, exaggerated moans. It took everything in her power not to burst out laughing. Once he finished, she excused herself to the dirty, filmy, grimy bathroom to freshen up and get dressed. Dennis was basically a whole new person, now. Tired and dismissive, he barely walked her out. She left his apartment feeling lower than she had in a long, long time.
She sat in her car in silence for a few moments. She had come a long way in her quest for self improvement, but every now and then she’d have moments like this that would make her question everything. Why the fuck had she let this happen again? She didn’t even want to go over! She didn’t want to have sex and yet, she just did it. He didn’t force her, he wasn’t aggressive. He just asked. And his interest in her alone was enough to make her abandon herself.
She had said it before, but she was saying it again, no more of that shit. The fleeting dopamine rush was never worth the come down of self loathing that nearly always accompanied interactions like that. She blocked and unfollowed Dennis on Instagram before starting her car and heading home.
Tomorrow was a new day, she told herself. Another chance at a fresh start. It was early June. She had the rest of what would be an absolutely amazing summer ahead of her, and dating was about to take a backseat to all the more fulfilling aspects of her life.