After those two disappointing encounters, she put dating aside for the summer and focused on all the more uplifting aspects of her life. Her summer was everything she could have wanted it to be and more, but as her plans began to die down, she decided to dip her toe back in to the dating pool.
Except, she was just so sick of the same old dating app bullshit. Match, chat, get ghosted. If not ghosted, meet for a disappointing date, repeat.
She was cruising her socials one day when a targeted ad for speed dating popped up in her feed. It wasn’t for her city, but it sparked the idea for her of maybe trying it out. What could it hurt? Best case, she meets the love of her life. Worst case, a funny story and great content. Win/Win.
Still, she was nervous about it. The thought of having to go on multiple dates with multiple men in the span of like an hour was a bit overwhelming to her. She put it to her group chats, both of which came back with a resounding YES. She bought her ticket that night.
The event was to take place on Labour Day Monday. It was odd to hold an event like that on a Monday night, especially when everyone would be coming back from a long weekend. She didn’t have any plans, though, so it didn’t bother her.
The week before, however, the event sent out an e-mail stating that several participants had contacted them to say they would not be able to attend due to the holiday weekend. They were re-scheduling the event for Thursday of the following week. The organizer asked that people please RSVP to confirm or deny availability.
After some back and forth with herself, she decided she wasn’t really interested anymore. She replied that she wasn’t available that Thursday (even though she definitely was), and asked for a refund.
The next week was one of the hottest September weeks on record. So hot, in fact, that the speed dating organizers had to cancel the event again and reschedule for yet another date later that month. They notified all the participants and said that typically they don’t offer refunds, but in this extreme case, if anyone was unable to make it to the newest event, please advise and they would refund their money.
She hadn’t yet received her refund from the first time she had asked, so she replied and said she wasn’t available, and asked again to be refunded. The month went by, and when the newest date was approaching she still hadn’t been reimbursed. However, it seemed that she had gotten her nerve back and decided she did, in fact, want to try this out.
She e-mailed the organizer and explained the situation, asking for an update on where and what time the event would be taking place. Finally, she received a reply apologizing for having not yet refunded her, but also there was a sense of relief that she would still be attending.
It was a Thursday. She had curled her hair, brought a change of clothes to work, and re-did her makeup in her office bathroom. Why was she so nervous? Her stomach was in knots and she was sweating more than necessary considering that heat wave had dissipated weeks earlier.
She drove downtown and parked in a parking garage close to the bar. When she walked in, she was struck by how cool and vibrant this restaurant was. She had never been there before, though she’d passed by it many times. She made note that she would have to come back with friends sometime.
She went to the bar and spoke to the bartender about the event. He signaled to the back of the restaurant where a group of people were gathering. She looked over and saw a handful of men sitting and drinking. Nope!, she thought. She definitely would need a drink before she’d work up the courage to join the group. She ordered a glass of wine, and while the bartender was preparing her drink she motioned to him that she’d be right back, and headed downstairs to the bathroom.
Fortunately, it was empty. She looked herself up and down in the mirror. Fluffed her hair, fixed her boobs, sniffed her pits. There wasn’t anything else she could do, that was as good as it was gunna get. Why was she freaking out so bad!? It’s not like she wasn’t a seasoned dater at this point. She got herself together and headed back upstairs. The bartender had waited for her to return before pouring her drink. She grabbed it, took a swig, and grabbed the glass of water she had also ordered as she headed towards the back of the bar.
As she approached, she realized this whole thing wasn’t as intimidating as it had seemed. There were four men and two women, one of whom was the organizer. Her immediate thought was not of whether or not she found any of the men attractive. Instead, she noticed the other woman there to participate and thought Hey, she looks pretty and fun. I want to be her friend!
The organizer, Mary, we’ll call her, had said in the e-mail that there were going to be some ice-breaker games at the start of the event. She had been dreading it, thinking it would be some corny summer camp games or something. Instead, it was just Cards Against Humanity. That she was down for.
As she took her seat, Mary announced that this re-re-scheduled event was supposed to have been with fourteen people, 7 guys 7 girls. It had now dwindled down to eight, 4 and 4. They were waiting on the final two women to arrive, so in the meantime Mary decided to start the game.
As the card piles were handed out, she scanned the table at her speed dating prospects. First, there was an emo looking, socially awkward white guy. Then there was a good looking, yet somewhat skinny Black guy. There was a tall Afghani guy with very large ears. And finally a short, bald Egyptian guy with nice glasses. None of these lovely gentlemen were her type, but that was why she was there, right? To broaden her horizons.
As the game started, the other two women arrived. Again she thought, Oh dang! They look pretty and fun too! I also want to be their friend! The new arrivals ordered their drinks, and the game continued. After about 20 minutes, Mary called it and gave them all some time to go to the bathroom or grab a drink while she re-organized the tables to set up for the actual speed dating.
In the 10 minutes or so it took her to do that, the socially awkward white guy completely bailed. Now it was 3 to 4. What a little shit ball! Who does that?!
The tables were now all lined up in pairs of two. Despite being a man down, Mary asked that all the women take their seats against the wall, and the men would sit on the outside and rotate every eight minutes. Mary would fill in for the jerk off who left.
Her Bachelor Number One was the good looking Black guy. She found out that he was Jamaican, with a British accent from attending high school in England. He was smart, he was well spoken, he was charming. Of all the men there, he was the only one upon first seeing him that she thought could be a potential winner. As they were getting to know each other, talking about their university experiences, Mary called it on the first round of dates. Bachelor Number One gave her a kind smile, and scooted down the line. She then subtly marked Yes on her score card.
Bachelor Number Two was Mary. She and Mary chatted about dating, and bitched about the guy who had left. It was a nice palette cleanser, honestly, to chat with a woman for a bit. Took some of the pressure off.
Next up was Bachelor Number Three, the tall Afghani guy. He was also very smart. He dressed well and was obviously a nice guy, but the language barrier was too much to overcome. Though his English was excellent, she considers herself to be quite funny, and he just wasn’t getting any of her jokes! That was a deal breaker for her. Next.
Finally, Bachelor Number Four was the short Egyptian guy. This man had such a kind face. He was cute and sweet, and she could tell that he liked her right off the bat. Unfortunately, there just wasn’t a spark there for her. They chatted about family and him having moved there from another city. They talked about work and hobbies, until finally Mary gave the call that this speed dating event had come to an end.
Mary explained that normally these things have upwards of 20-30 people there. Since this one was such a bust, she would be giving everyone discount codes for other upcoming events. She was happy to receive some kind of compensation, but she was also kind of happy that it wasn’t such a big event that time. She now knew what to expect, and would be better prepared whenever she decided to try it again.
As the participants gathered their belongings and began to clear out, she ran back downstairs to pee. When she returned, the other three bachelorettes were chatting with Mary. She approached the outside of the group, expecting to just say goodbye, when one of the women invited her to join them for a drink and some apps next door.
She was thrilled! Forget dating – did I just make new single girlfriends??, she thought. She eagerly accepted their invitation, and the four of them took the party over to another funky restaurant just down the street. These women were smart, funny, kind and just good vibes all around. She may not have met the love of her life at that speed dating event, but a group of cool new single girlfriends made the night a big success.
One of her new friends created a group chat, and they all agreed to keep in touch. There’s a weekly social event that some of the ladies attend pretty frequently, but she’s usually too tired to go out late during the week. Fortunately, she and her new gal pals were able to get together one weekend in early November.
They met up at one lady’s apartment and enjoyed some drinks, apps, and great conversation. Then they hit the town. They went to a pub she had always really loved. Good music, good vibes, and cute guys. She and her new friends drank and laughed and danced. It felt so good to be out with people in her same situation, relationship wise.
It’s a different vibe when the single girls get out on the town. You maybe drink a little more. You likely dance a little more. You definitely flirt a little more, than you would when everyone else in the group is partnered. So it was fun to ride that wave for the evening. She didn’t meet any cute guys that night (which wasn’t the intention anyways), but she flirted with some, and she danced with her friends. And she was present. And she was mindful. Of what a privilege it is to experience the joy and the freedom that is… being single.
Stay tuned for more chapters, Wednesdays at 8pm, Est