It’s that time of year again. The period between Christmas and New Years where time ceases, and we tend to question our entire existence. Reliving every little thing we’ve done over the past twelve months, good and bad, and planning to do better next year. As if the ritual of taking down last year’s calendar and opening a new one up to a fresh January page will change our lives. Except, it kind of will. If you want it to, at least. So many great things have happened to me in 2024, pushing me to believe that when that new calendar does go up, even more amazing things will be headed my way.
It’ll be five years at the end of January since I left my ex and moved home to my parents house. It’s seemed like in that time I’ve just been spinning my wheels. Running in place. Or whatever other clichéd expression you can think of to describe working hard to reach a goal that seems to move further and further away the more you try to attain it. One thing I’ve finally learned, though, this year is that, everything comes in divine timing. I don’t mean that in a hokey, religious type of way. Just that, nothing good ever happens over night. Even good things that do seem to happen out of no where are usually preceded by years of effort that likely went unnoticed by those who’ve not been doing that work.
When I moved home, the only things I knew for sure that I had to do were to get a job and go to therapy to start healing from the trauma my ex put me through. In doing that, I’ve unexpectedly learned so many other things that have set me on this path to success. Therapy started me on my healing journey, but I’ve done so much additional self work that I’ve really discovered who I am, what I want, and what I absolutely will never tolerate again.
I’ve learned that I’m honestly the fucking best. I’m hilarious, I’m kind, and I genuinely enjoy my own company. This realization led me to know that I am happier single than I ever will be by allowing a man to enter my life who will lower my vibration. Only when I meet someone who adds to my happiness and can meet me on the same frequency that I’m at will I entertain the idea of fully sharing myself with someone again. That being said, I have to admit that my Friend with Benefits has been living rent free in my head far more than I’d like, as of late.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m fully crushing on him now, despite over two years of typical FWB behaviour, as well as many a conversation where we’ve both stated that we don’t want something serious out of this situationship and are fine with how things are. Which is true. I don’t want more from him than he is willing to give, nor will I be giving him more than what is deserved from this kind of arrangement. We see each other when it’s convenient for both of us. We get along well, have great conversations. The sex is amazing, and then we each go about our merry ways.
This kind of relationship would have driven me crazy a few years ago. I would have been obsessing over it. Wondering what he’s thinking, how he feels about me; longing for him to miraculously see me for the goddess I am and thus pledge his ever loving allegiance to me for all eternity. However, another lesson I’ve finally learned this year is that I attract what is meant for me. I do not chase. Whether that be love, friendships, new career opportunities… All I can do is be grateful for the blessings I currently have, continue to foster this glowing ball of self love from within, and radiate this positive energy outwards. This energy is the magnet that will attract whatever is meant for me to enter my life when it’s supposed to.
This is another lesson I’ve learned that has changed my life for the better. That needy, desperate, clingy version of myself who worried so much about what people thought of her, if anyone is was upset with me, if I was doing well enough at work; well, let’s be real, she’s still very much alive and well, but she’s also more subdued. I’m able to centre myself now and remind myself that I’m doing my best in every aspect of my life. I am the best version of myself now, and continue to get better every day. One day, the right guy will see that and will be drawn to my energy and confidence. I attract what is meant for me, I do not chase.
So while, yes, I do wish my FWB could turn in to something more if he were in a place to put in the required effort and meet me at my level, I no longer make these kinds of desires the driving force of my day to day. This idea of decentering men from my life has freed up so much space in my subconscious, allowing me to welcome and strive for so many more important and bigger blessings to enter my life. This mindset of only accepting energies and opportunities that will benefit me applies to my career, as well.
In 2021 I left the field of Early Childhood Education, my career for fourteen years, because I refused to tolerate my skills, my time and my diligent work ethic being used and undervalued any longer. I took the first job I was offered, in a field in which I had zero experience or interest, simply because I knew that it would give me the experience to acquire new skills which I could put towards pursuing something else more fulfilling. And in early 2024, that opportunity was finally presented to me.
In November 2023, I reconnected with an old friend whom I actually met through my ex. She had always been such a light in the darkness that was my time with him, so I was thrilled to hear from her when she reached out. Upon visiting her, we discussed our careers, and I explained how I was working in a job that was draining me mentally and emotionally, and which was not even providing me the financial compensation that could make those issues potentially tolerable. She then revealed that the HVAC company she works for was hiring. Specifically her team, in fact, doing administrative work. I sent her my resumé right there at her kitchen table. In January 2024, I was contacted by HR, had two interviews with two different HR staff, and was offered a position working on my friend’s team. I cannot describe the absolute elation I felt in that moment.
This job pays me better than any other I’ve had before. Better benefits, great work atmosphere, and endless opportunities for growth. Working for an HVAC company was 100% not on my life Bingo card, but here we are. And by leaving my previous, unfulfilling, job, I was able to carry over the pension I had been paying in to for two years, to which my employer had matched my payments, leaving me with several thousand dollars in savings to really start me on my path to finally getting back on my feet and out of my parents house.
You see? Divine timing. I had to go through all that career turmoil to give me the qualifications, and confidence, to pursue this new career path. I had to wait until my friend reached out to be given this opportunity. And I’ve had to work my ass off over the last year to prove to not only my friend/boss, but to the company and to myself, that I am a valuable asset to this corporation. In doing so, I have it on good authority that a promotion will be coming to me in the near future. Again, I attract what is meant for me, I do not chase.
On top of working on my career goals, and throughout my journey of self discovery, I’ve been having a sort of spiritual awakening. Learning that I really cannot control everything, despite my best efforts. Having to trust the Universe, and realizing that everything happens for a reason. Literally everything. Meeting my ex to go through what I went through to teach me that I’m worth far more than what I was accepting. To work the jobs I’ve worked, which kept me struggling financially and “stuck” living with me parents, allowing me more time to heal and learn more about myself. Also allowing me this extra time spent with my parents, time which most people aren’t lucky enough to have, for which I am eternally grateful and will cherish forever, especially once they’re gone.
There are other things that happen for a reason, like me going to a psychic fair recently in the hopes of buying my first Tarot card deck, but 90% of the cards for sale were Oracle cards instead. Oracle cards are like, beginner Tarot. The Universe was telling me I need to walk before I run. Of all the Oracle cards for sale, it was only this one deck that a vendor demonstrated and from which had me and my friends pull cards. The card I got was Patience. Not only as a real message for me, again to trust in divine timing, but also as a call back to the last Psychic fair I went to where I also pulled Patience twice. That was the Universe giving me a sign that this is real, this deck was for me. Even the aesthetic is so me. It’s crazy how quickly I’ve connected with them.
Then there are big things. Terrible things. And people like myself say, from such a place of privilege, “everything happens for a reason”, and you think, how? How could everything truly happen for a reason when there are people suffering unspeakable assaults and desecrations on their lives, in Palestine, Lebanon, Sudan, to name a few. How could that be happening for a reason? Why would the Universe allow that?
Aside from all the positive things that I’ve experienced this year, for months and months I had also been holding on to this overwhelming feeling of anger. This fiery rage at the injustices of the world, constantly boiling up in the pit of my stomach. The genocides, the racism, the abuses of people and power. It was genuinely all consuming and was affecting my mental health. Also a privileged thing to say, “Boohoo, my mental health”, while people are literally being blown apart, but I can only speak to my own experience. I was struggling with feelings of rage and helplessness to change these terrible things.
In an instant, though, because of this spiritual awakening I’ve been on, I’ve now tapped in to a consciousness I’ve never experienced before, giving me a perspective I’d never considered. These Oracle cards are real. Tarot is real. I truly believe I have spirit guides surrounding me. They give me signs and messages when I ask for them, sometimes when I don’t, and so far they’ve all been pretty accurate. It is due to this belief in energies, in a realm or field, on an entirely different plane in space and time – I don’t know what it is! And I know how this all sounds! – that I’ve just felt such a shift in myself.
As a person who can’t make decisions and who second guesses herself on everything; whose first experiences with religion were learning about, understanding, and rebuking Christianity and Catholicism as the greedy, abusive corporations they are, and thus having always questioned the idea of heaven or an afterlife, I now feel this overwhelming sense of certainty that there IS a place in this Universe outside of our physical bodies. Outside of what we can perceive with our three dimensional human brains. And because I believe that, I have to believe that the only “reason” these injustices are happening, is because whatever religion these martyred victims of genocide believe in, whichever afterlife, wherever they go when they die, that is what “heaven” really is. True paradise. A place of no pain, just love. I believe that these people, these spirits, are being relieved of their time on earth, and can come back as something easier, softer, in their next life.
Does that ease the real, physical suffering these people are experiencing? Obviously not. But speaking specifically to my own personal experience, this new belief has helped extinguish that fiery ball of hatred that was growing inside of me. I will continue to speak up for all of these injustices, and I will never, ever stop caring. I just will also no longer destroy myself slowly from the inside as I do it.
I’m genuinely so excited to continue on this spiritual journey, and for what the future has in store for me. There’s now a new, strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. An ease. The place in my gut that’s always psychosomatically tied in knots, is open now. A feeling I can only describe as, peace, really. I’ve always been very much a go go go type person. Never stop thinking, never stop talking, never stop moving (hello, adhd!) But I can literally feel my nervous system slowing. As corny or crazy as this all may sound, whether anyone believes in it or not, if this is going to help my life in a positive way, there can only be good things ahead for me.
All the Tarot readings I’ve had, all the Oracle spreads I’ve now done for myself, all the signs I’ve received from the Universe, have all led me to believe that the future is bright for me. All the struggles I’ve been through are coming to an end, and now all my hard work will finally bring the results I’ve been striving for.
I am manifesting that 2025 will bring me the promotion I desire and have been working hard towards. It will allow me to move out in to the home of my dreams, and finally achieve the independence and pride in myself that I’ve been yearning for since I moved home. That independence will free up space in my heart and mind to allow the right guy to finally enter my life. If that should take longer than I anticipate, I’ll wish for continued abundance for myself and those I love, will continue to count my blessings, and will be grateful for every other wonderful thing I have in my life. I will attract what is meant for me, and trust that it will arrive when it’s meant to. I will not chase the dream. I will let it come to me.
I’m grateful for my health. I’m grateful for my family, my friends, my amazing new career and the wonderful people I’ve met throughout. I’m grateful to have been born where I was born and to not have to endure the devasting tragedies of those less fortunate. I send those people so much love, and light, and hope for a permanent end to the global destruction of those people, their homes, and the planet.
I also manifest good things for you, whoever you are reading this. I’m grateful to you for joining me on this long, convoluted journey of growth and self discovery these last five years (well, four and a half since I’ve started this blog). I hope 2025 brings you everything you’ve been dreaming of. If not, however, I hope you can trust that good things will come to you when you’re truly ready for them. Be grateful for what you have, keep working to be the best possible version of yourself, and you will attract every good thing imaginable in divine timing. I truly believe that. In the meantime, remember the biggest lesson the Universe has taught me this year, and just… be patient ✨